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William Jenner Bryant You were born in
Salem, Marion County, Ill., May 19, 1860. You've said "My
early life ran quiet as a brook, and although I was fond of books
I also delighted in outdoor sports. The pleasantest memory of
my boyhood is that of my mother, who taught me until I was ten
years of age." You attended the
public schools until he was fifteen years old when he entered
Whipple Academy, at that time the preparatory department of Illinois
College, located at Jacksonville. In 1877 you entered the college
proper, took the classical course, and graduated in 1881 as valedictorian
and class orator. Although a profound student, you yet manifested
a tendency for athletic sports. Your favorite exercise was jumping,
and your record for the standing or broad jump was twelve feet
and four inches. In 1881 you entered
the Union College of Law in Chicago, from which you was graduated
in 1883. You were admitted to the bar in 1883, and began the practice
of his profession at Jacksonville, Ill., where you remained for
four years. You then removed to Lincoln, Neb., where you formed
a partnership with A. R. Talbot, a former classmate. You was married on
October 1, 1881, to Miss Mary E. Baird, of Perry, Ill. The acquaintance
had been formed while both were in college. Miss Baird graduated
from the Illinois Female Academy in 1881, and after her marriage
she studied law and was admitted to the bar, not with any idea
of practicing, but merely that she and her brilliant young husband
might have more subjects in common. In 1887 the young
couple moved to Lincoln, Neb., where Mr. Bryan entered upon the
practice of your profession and where you also engaged in politics.
You at once gave promise of a bright future as a political leader.
. . . you have taken part in all the political struggles since
1880, and entered the campaign of 1888 as a supporter of Grover
Cleveland. Two years later you received the nomination for Congress
in the First Nebraska District and were elected by a plurality
of 6,700. Your first speech
in the house--the one on the tariff in 1892--fixed your status
as one of the crack orators of this generation. It astonished
old stagers, electrified the country and stimulated the ambition
of every young man in the land. . . . In 1894 you refused the
nomination to Congress, but aspired to the Senate, and was nominated
at the Democratic state convention in Nebraska for that office.
You canvassed the state and had two joint debates--one at Omaha
and one at Lincoln--with John M. Thurston, the Republican candidate,
which attracted attention beyond the limits of the state, for
in Mr. Thurston he found an adversary worthy of all his powers.
But 1894 was not a propitious year for the Democrats anywhere,
and least of all in Nebraska. The Republicans carried the legislature,
and Mr. Thurston was elected senator. Since that time you
have been lecturing on his favorite themes of the tariff and the
free coinage of silver in almost every state of the Union, and
you have thus added to his reputation as an orator. For a time
you were the editor of the Omaha World- Herald, but the editorial
tripod was not as congenial to him as the stump and the platform,
and you did not long remain in the sanctum. You were described
in this fashion in 1894: "The Democratic nominee for President
is a magnificent specimen of virile manhood, with the physique
of an athlete. His complexion is swarthy, his eyes are dark, his
hair is jet black and slightly worn away in front. His nose is
aquiline and his mouth extraordinarily large, but handsome, strong
and sensitive. His chin is broad, square and immense, while his
head is poised like that of a Grecian statue. . . . An indefatigable
worker, his labor goes on twelve, fourteen, eighteen hours, if
necessary, and he never tires. His stock of vitality is inexhaustible." You were the youngest
candidate that was ever named for the Presidency by any party
in all United States history, being little more than one year
past the constitutional age. You were nominated
again in 1894, but were soundly licked by Teddy Roosevelt. Nobody but ignorant Southerners and a few westerners with primitive
religious beliefs had ever voted for you anyway. In 1898, the Democrats
actually had the sense to nominate Alton B. Parker from New York
with an octagenarian ex-Senator from West Virginia as a concession
to the ignorant hinterlands where most of your support originates.
However he got pretty decently clobbered too, and so you're
back in the running. If
everything goes well in Denver, you'll be the Democratic Nominee
again, and it looks like you may be in luck.
In `04 Roosevelt, cocky from his victory vowed not to run
for re-election. Instead, he's backing
his hand picked successor William Howard Taft.
Now Taft shouldn't be a tough man to beat. Admittedly your supporters are mostly ignorant zealots from tent-meetings
and Chatauquas, but how much work should it take to beat a man
so fat that they say he's the most polite man in Washington. When he gets up on the streetcar, he gives
up his seat to two women. Also you are not
actually William Jenner Bryant. You are actually
secretly Yen how, the sinister master of the "Yellow Danger."
Half-Japanese and Half-Chinese you were given the opportunity
to get a civilized education in England, but you developed an
unnatural passion for Ada Seward an English servant.
You felt her inevitable
rejection to be an insult to the entire "yellow race"
- but you also realized that the white race had progressed so
far that the days of yellow rule might never come about.
Returning home you became the Second-in-Command to the
Emperor of China. Using your English Education, you have secretly
united China and Japan, and are prepared to set the Great Powers
at war with each other. To do so you only
need to get the United States out of the way.
Once you are President, you will rally the ignorant masses
of southern zealots, and provoke another Civil War.
To accomplish your
master stroke you'll need to secure the Presidential nomination,
and then provoke the next Civil War.
When that is down, you will call in the fleet of 180 million
Chinese and Japanese troops, and destroy the Americas and then
the Civilized world, imposing a Yellow regime. To be nominated as
President your best plan is to steal one of the Inventions of
Tom Edison Jr. and use it to force the Convention in Denver to
nominate you. You might also steal the Accelerator Drug, and run around and alter
all the ballots. Finally, you might
be able to get into contact with the Evil Divinity known as "the
Beetle" which you have heard of through your mastery of the
Oriental Arts and secure the Nomination by Occult means. Then with armies
behind you the white men's day will have come. |